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Apr. 23rd, 2022 10:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drippedonpaperIn any group, it feels like there are many goals, spoken and unspoken, floating in the air above us. At times, that can tinge the air with excitement and anticipation, other times it seems to make the air tight with stress, worry, and anxiety. Sometimes I almost feel I could play the air like a harp, as one or another in my family is nearly vibrating with the tension of reaching a goal.
As I write this, we are heading toward the end of April. For my youngest daughter it means the dash of the high school musical ending and the high school fine arts showcase ended this week. Her current pursuits include finding the perfect outfit for Theatre Accolades (her high school's version of the Academy Awards), practicing for the Spring Choir Concert, studying for final freshman exams (last day of school is May 25th), and practicing her audition for a community summer musical (audition on May 6).
Here she is singing at the showcase:
My older daughter is graduating from high school on May 26. Her pursuits include studying for Advanced Placement exams (which can lead to college credit), practicing for her last high school band concert (April 29), picking her college dorm (3 options), finding a college roommate, and working at a grocery store evenings and weekends. She has her final high school band banquet soon, where the focus is the seniors. We have finally booked which days will be her college orientation in June. There is a bit of excitement, already thinking what she needs to bring for her dorm room in college, and what moving out will mean. Her older brother still lives at home, so she is the first to move to another town on her own. I know it's just a college dorm, but this feels very significant to her.
My senior:
My life feels mainly like one of facilitation recently. Our high school doesn't bus any students unless they are 5 or more miles from the high school and that, for most students, would include crossing a fast 5 lane parkway. So, every morning, I feel like an Uber driver. First, I pick up B. Her mom is a single mom who has to be at work at 6am. High schools start at 8:30 so I pick her up. B. often looks very tired, her brightly contrasting black and red dyed hair the most lively thing about her as she settles in the back. One thing I will say for B. is she always remembers what she needs to bring.
Next, we cross the busy parkway to go to H's neighborhood. H. is being raised by a single dad (who has to be at work early) and a blind grandmother. H. runs out with 2 backpacks, one containing 2 bats, some cleats, etc. I've learned to remind her is she isn't wearing her glass or carrying her coffee. She has late games and needs her glasses, so both items are essential to her school preparations.
Then we all head to the high school. I've learned the back way which follows a trail where often I see runners through the trees, as they start their days with exercise. Usually, all 3 girls are chatting away, though sometimes, especially near the end of the week, they sit in slumped silence. Maybe they are dozing off, I don't know. When they chatter, it doesn't sound like any of them get enough sleep.
That is just the beginning of each day, reversed each afternoon, this time picking up the girl in car line and dropping them back.
It used to be a component of each day was driving my son to and from work. He just turned 21. J. has autism so is still learning to drive. He tried college, but he seems to enjoy working more than college right now. He has been working at a national home improvement store. He has earned two small awards there for his hard work, even though he's only been there since August. He knows the name of all the other employees, and can't wait to get to work each day. His manager finally been told he they were going to try giving him a full time position. This would be awesome, as he will need to get his own health insurance in the future. He was going to start full time in mid-April. J. recently learned the company also recently started an online college degree program, so he planned to maybe start a class in supply chain management.
It seems like the dreams my son has been working towards were finally coming true! That is, until he landed in the ER on March 19. The hospital team was able to get his heart working again, but that led to a heart ablation. The heart ablation led to a rare complication called an arteriovenous fistula. The good news is, it should heal. The bad news is, the protocol is to wait three months, and let it heal on it's own. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks.
My son is in pain, especially when sitting though walking hurts too. We're trying to figure out the paper work so he can hopefully be granted a leave of absence from work rather than completely losing his job. He's having a hard time sleeping due to the pain. As the doctor explained it, the fistula means a vein is leaking inside him, so sometimes it's hard to discern if new feelings are the symptoms the doctor said are dangerous or just more of the same non-serious issues mixed with worry.
It feels that all of his pursuits (and mine) have suddenly ground to a halt. He's worried about trying to rebuild his life again. I've told him we all face this at times (though honestly, in my heart, I'm sad he is facing this so young.) How do you comfort a 21 year old through this disappointment and pain? I'm always looking for answers. Are there answers? Or is this more a case of staying alongside, acknowledging feelings, and just driving him to all these doctor appointments?
These days feel like we are chasing a dream with no way to measure how close we are to the goal. It might have healed for all we know. This is totally internal. He has another ultrasound Wednesday. We might wait the whole 3 months, and then the answer is another surgery, either a stent or vein repair. The surgery is risky enough, the doctor insists we give it the whole 3 months.
Today, my son pursues healing, with no way to get there except through rest. Often, it feels there is no way to rest due to pain.
My son:
And I cannot throw my daughter's goals to the side. The 3 month mark is July 7. Though his plans have ground to a halt (hopefully just a very long pause), my daughters' lives continue on.
I have a lot of time to reflect as I sit with my son. I've concluded, even when we don't recognize it, one of our ultimate pursuits in life has to be health, both physical and psychological. Without it, nothing else is possible. And how very lucky we are that my son's situation does have a solution though we must wait awhile. So many face health crisis that are forever.
Though we are not enjoying this situation, ultimately, we are blessed.
As I write this, we are heading toward the end of April. For my youngest daughter it means the dash of the high school musical ending and the high school fine arts showcase ended this week. Her current pursuits include finding the perfect outfit for Theatre Accolades (her high school's version of the Academy Awards), practicing for the Spring Choir Concert, studying for final freshman exams (last day of school is May 25th), and practicing her audition for a community summer musical (audition on May 6).
Here she is singing at the showcase:
My older daughter is graduating from high school on May 26. Her pursuits include studying for Advanced Placement exams (which can lead to college credit), practicing for her last high school band concert (April 29), picking her college dorm (3 options), finding a college roommate, and working at a grocery store evenings and weekends. She has her final high school band banquet soon, where the focus is the seniors. We have finally booked which days will be her college orientation in June. There is a bit of excitement, already thinking what she needs to bring for her dorm room in college, and what moving out will mean. Her older brother still lives at home, so she is the first to move to another town on her own. I know it's just a college dorm, but this feels very significant to her.
My senior:
My life feels mainly like one of facilitation recently. Our high school doesn't bus any students unless they are 5 or more miles from the high school and that, for most students, would include crossing a fast 5 lane parkway. So, every morning, I feel like an Uber driver. First, I pick up B. Her mom is a single mom who has to be at work at 6am. High schools start at 8:30 so I pick her up. B. often looks very tired, her brightly contrasting black and red dyed hair the most lively thing about her as she settles in the back. One thing I will say for B. is she always remembers what she needs to bring.
Next, we cross the busy parkway to go to H's neighborhood. H. is being raised by a single dad (who has to be at work early) and a blind grandmother. H. runs out with 2 backpacks, one containing 2 bats, some cleats, etc. I've learned to remind her is she isn't wearing her glass or carrying her coffee. She has late games and needs her glasses, so both items are essential to her school preparations.
Then we all head to the high school. I've learned the back way which follows a trail where often I see runners through the trees, as they start their days with exercise. Usually, all 3 girls are chatting away, though sometimes, especially near the end of the week, they sit in slumped silence. Maybe they are dozing off, I don't know. When they chatter, it doesn't sound like any of them get enough sleep.
That is just the beginning of each day, reversed each afternoon, this time picking up the girl in car line and dropping them back.
It used to be a component of each day was driving my son to and from work. He just turned 21. J. has autism so is still learning to drive. He tried college, but he seems to enjoy working more than college right now. He has been working at a national home improvement store. He has earned two small awards there for his hard work, even though he's only been there since August. He knows the name of all the other employees, and can't wait to get to work each day. His manager finally been told he they were going to try giving him a full time position. This would be awesome, as he will need to get his own health insurance in the future. He was going to start full time in mid-April. J. recently learned the company also recently started an online college degree program, so he planned to maybe start a class in supply chain management.
It seems like the dreams my son has been working towards were finally coming true! That is, until he landed in the ER on March 19. The hospital team was able to get his heart working again, but that led to a heart ablation. The heart ablation led to a rare complication called an arteriovenous fistula. The good news is, it should heal. The bad news is, the protocol is to wait three months, and let it heal on it's own. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks.
My son is in pain, especially when sitting though walking hurts too. We're trying to figure out the paper work so he can hopefully be granted a leave of absence from work rather than completely losing his job. He's having a hard time sleeping due to the pain. As the doctor explained it, the fistula means a vein is leaking inside him, so sometimes it's hard to discern if new feelings are the symptoms the doctor said are dangerous or just more of the same non-serious issues mixed with worry.
It feels that all of his pursuits (and mine) have suddenly ground to a halt. He's worried about trying to rebuild his life again. I've told him we all face this at times (though honestly, in my heart, I'm sad he is facing this so young.) How do you comfort a 21 year old through this disappointment and pain? I'm always looking for answers. Are there answers? Or is this more a case of staying alongside, acknowledging feelings, and just driving him to all these doctor appointments?
These days feel like we are chasing a dream with no way to measure how close we are to the goal. It might have healed for all we know. This is totally internal. He has another ultrasound Wednesday. We might wait the whole 3 months, and then the answer is another surgery, either a stent or vein repair. The surgery is risky enough, the doctor insists we give it the whole 3 months.
Today, my son pursues healing, with no way to get there except through rest. Often, it feels there is no way to rest due to pain.
My son:
And I cannot throw my daughter's goals to the side. The 3 month mark is July 7. Though his plans have ground to a halt (hopefully just a very long pause), my daughters' lives continue on.
I have a lot of time to reflect as I sit with my son. I've concluded, even when we don't recognize it, one of our ultimate pursuits in life has to be health, both physical and psychological. Without it, nothing else is possible. And how very lucky we are that my son's situation does have a solution though we must wait awhile. So many face health crisis that are forever.
Though we are not enjoying this situation, ultimately, we are blessed.
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Date: 2022-04-26 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-27 02:00 am (UTC)