Prompt: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are"

[drippedonpaper]

Prompt- “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are"

Sometimes in my life, the only thing I really have had is my imagination. The best part of that is that I can use my imagination where ever I am. I don't even need to shut my eyes. My imagination is there, to "run movies" in my mind of how things could turn out or, alternatively, to "run a movie" of where I would rather be.

My mind and imagination are usually my refuge. I say "usually" because, for me, depression also uses my imagination, but all the movies depression "runs" are tragedies. Like any other gift, imagination is great, but is only helpful if used correctly.

At almost 44 years old, I've had many opportunities to use my imagination.

I remember when we moved to Africa. I admit, I was scared. Africa is full of scary, dangerous animals, right? It turned out, not the country where I went (but the snakes could dangerous.)

Walking home alone at night from a friend's house in Africa at age 7 was pretty scary. No street lights. I did not have a flashlight. I could not see my path very clearly. I learned that the trip took longer if I imagined snakes. Just my imagination alone could paralyze me. No sooner do I think of snakes than somehow I seem to see wiggly shadows and hear, "what is that? A slight hiss." I learned pretty early that the best way to get through something scary is to imagine what will happen after. A glowing gasoline lamp on the table in my kitchen in Africa. Maybe a new book to read if I was lucky. The more I focused on the outcome I was hoping for, the quicker my pace through those scary dark paths.

I had (probably?) a very odd coping mechanism as a child. When my mother was super angry at me, I would cry silently in bed, but hug myself. I would whisper fiercely, "Someday, someone will love you EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T Have to! I promise. Someone WILL love you." I would imagine friends, maybe even one day a boyfriend, who would think I had something to offer. I was homeschooled before it was common, so pretty isolated from kids my own age. Just having friends, real friend, how fun could that be? One day, one day...

Having been isolated, I naively thought friendship was a great deal about proximity. Find other people your age and instant friends, right? So when I finally got to go to high school with other kids, I thought making friends would be a cinch. Well, not exactly. I didn't really wear the "right" clothes or have the "right" hair. I didn't wear makeup and wasn't allowed to listen to any of the cool songs. We didn't have a T.V. I didn't give up on making friends, but it rarely seemed to work out well. I am one of 7 kids, but no one my age was interested in recipes or potty-training tips or the best way to fold cloth diapers. It wasn't that I didn't know anything, but apparently I didn't know anything most teens knew. Finally, I threw myself into my school work instead. Good old books. They had been my refuge when I was homeschooled, and were still there waiting for me. When I lost myself in imagination, it was dreams of college and a future on my own.

After I became a teacher, hard days at work led to imagining how proud I would be at my students' graduation. I knew the only way another would believe in a dream was to believe in it myself first. I would picture it in my mind and share it with discouraged seniors. "Just think, you will finish this class. You will graduate! You will put on that gown and that flat hat. Your mom will cry. She will be so proud. You have never seen her so proud. And that big smile will be just for you!" Sometimes that worked, sometimes it didn't. I did attend graduation. And I know those students were not "my kids, " but their moms were not the only ones tearing up.

I think it is important to be realistic, but I do love that my imagination is always there, waiting for me and ready to "spin me a tale," even if it's just the idea of a pleasant vacation or envisioning a sunny sky on a rainy day (sometimes rain is so gloomy.)

There have been so many times in my life that I cannot imagine living another minute. I just can't stand a situation or a job or a heartache any longer. I miss a dead relative or want so desperately to somehow get along with one of my kids.

When I can do nothing else, imagination helps. I can go forward, "Someday we will get along again" or backward, "My grandma used to light up when she said my name" or even just take some steps into total fantasy. At times in my life, there hasn't been any money or resources. Sometimes, like when my son is in surgery, there is no where I can go.

So I do what I can. I dream of when he is strong and working again. I dream of him happy. I dream of him being well enough to drive and live on his own. I dream of him coming home for Christmas, maybe even with a loving partner.

I do what I can with my life. I make plans, work hard, and complete items on a list. I fill my son's Rx, and fix the car my daughter drives. But when I reach the end of all that I can touch, I do what I can with the only thing I have left, my imagination. And the best part, is, unlike my bank account, in my mind there are no limits. No limits on money, but also no limits on love.

Comments

[erulissedances]

Excellent coping mechanism and I like the direction your life took. I guarantee you're an inspiration to others.

- Erulisse (one L)

[mollywheezy]

I loved this! Especially the last line. And that's really interesting that you lived in Africa. I'd love to hear more about that sometime. :)

I also escaped with books as a child and teenager, so I relate. I wasn't home schooled but I was an odd kid with very few friends. ;)

[erulissedances]

Love is the one thing that only grows while you spend it.

- Erulisse (one L)

[adoptedwriter]

So insightful. Imagination is a huge tool for coping.
“…imagination is great, but is only helpful if used correctly.” This line speaks out big time.

[roina_arwen]

A good imagination is a huge plus, more often than not.

[banana_galaxy]

I related to your high school experience. I wasn't home schooled but I went to a very small primary school, so I kinda feel like that in effect made connecting with other kids my age challenging. But then that was also undiagnosed autism, and not realising how different I was.

There've been times I've used my imagination like this. Sometimes it can really be a helpful tool to get you through the day, and I think you captured that well.

[static_abyss]

I can relate to using imagination as a coping mechanisms when things get difficult. It has also worked for me. Thank you for sharing this entry with us :)

[bleodswean]

Oh, this is utterly perfect and really lovely. Imagination can be a friend, and a foe. You've done a superb job letting your imagination act as a kind of inner light and love, a ladder that lifted you up and out.

[ofearthandstars]

A great take on the prompt. I struggle with my imagination (it usually leads to anxiety), and so things like Idol help me to hone it more. I like to think that if we imagine enough positive outcomes, eventually that is what we will see before us (which I shall distinguish from The Secret). But I think it takes a constant sort of practice.

[alycewilson]

Positive thinking is such an undervalued practice. I should use it more often.

[dadi]

Imagination has truly been the only refuge and safety for me too, many many times. Reaching out to that place where there is just one step more to reach a small goal, to find a moment of reprieve!

[itismeangied]

The last line was beautiful. The narrator has come a long way. I totally related to the way you described how imagination can be used for good or evil

[gunwithoutmusic]

This was really well-written - I do the same thing a lot. It's good to recognize that an overactive imagination can be a bad thing sometimes, but it really is great to be able to imagine things to look forward to if you're in a tough spot.