LJ Idol: Prompt 10- Intrigant

[drippedonpaper]

Title; "He Called Me 'Honey'"

Layers upon layers
Why do you smother me in explanations?
I haven't asked,
I didn't ask,
Yet you explain
Describe,

Coating the windows to my mind
With honey,
Sticky
Seductive
Thick as molasses.
You direct my attention to these drips
Distracting me with the mess
Whirling me into an urgency
You, yourself, create.

Your energy so focused
At times
I am the moth to your flame
Attracted to my own destruction
Because it's bright, so bright
I'm mesmerized!
I must inhale this warmth
Even at my peril.
You cheer on my pain.
I burn within your praise.
Finally
Someone sees me.

I've trained at the knee of a master,
Willingly directed,
Swayed,
Easily molded by praise
So rare and unpredictable
I'm so relieved to moisten
My dry tongue
That I don't search for patterns,
Just grab an puddle for sustenance
Roll in the mud
Refuse to waste a drop
In case the next drought is forever.

Trained that I must give
Every drop of my blood
To merely survive.
Again and again,
I sought the familiar
Empty halls.
I chase the echoes
Someone might be there?
Any withholding means love.

Inconsistency is the only rhythm I can dance to
A driving tempo
Fast, slow, fast.
I listen outside windows
Even if they never play my song.
I don't deserve a radio of my own.

You unleashed termites into my heart
I'm crumbling,
Melting to dust.
You feed me fear potions.
Telling me I'm not trying to heal.
"The worthy rise,"
You proclaim with confidence
As I cower into corners
So little is left.
I cannot leave without toes
Or feet.
Will I exist tomorrow?

I shy and hide from fountains
Believing you
and only you
Can parch my thirst,
That others offer poison.

And water, yes, one day
If you are good, really good
If you complete this list,
If you try harder to make me happy.
Oh, oops, well maybe tomorrow.

You only own tilting hourglasses,
The clocks on your wall spin back and forth
For somehow, the hour rarely comes
Or I was asleep,
I was late.
If only I had a dollar
For every time you said "tomorrow."

A crumbling heart,
A parched tongue
I was falling to pieces.
Then and only then
Did you use mirrors,
The smoky mirrors of shame
In which all the world was dark
And I,
A wispy ghost
Too weak,
Too dry,
Too old.

The hardest part wasn't leaving you
Or him
Or even him,
The hardest part was knowing
It wasn't an accident.

Some people seek to destroy,
And void of power,
They choose the soft.
They need someone to stomp on.

My daughter was voted
"Most Outspoken" last week
And inside I cheered
Perhaps she won't be an easy prey.
She doesn't even like honey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note: This is the past, not reflective of current life. But yes, I... chose badly more than once.

Thank you for reading. In a way, I hope you cannot understand this. But, if you do, please know, you ARE worthy of love.

Comments

[muchtooarrogant]

You used such great imagery throughout this.
Coating the windows to my mind
With honey,
Sticky

Get that sticky crap outa my head. :)

Just grab an puddle for sustenance
Roll in the mud
Refuse to waste a drop
In case the next drought is forever.

And I agree with your daughter, except it's okay in tea. :)

Great job!

Dan

[drippedonpaper]

"Honey" is hard to forget, the memories still lurk.

I appreciate your comment. I found it difficult to find a way to use this prompt.

Thanks!

[halfshellvenus]

I shy and hide from fountains
Believing you
and only you
Can parch my thirst,
That others offer poison.
The classic behavior of an abuser. I'm SO glad you escaped this relationship.

And you've done something right with your daughter, that ideally should help her avoid ever being in that position.

[drippedonpaper]

I hope so. In a way, that's my biggest fear, that my kids could repeat. My youngest had a boy in high school who was very much like this. I'm so glad she got free, but it took a long time to see the light.

How can I fault her though? It's taken me years to fully see my past for what it was.

Thank you for your kindness, though all these years!

[adoptedwriter]

Hugs…

[drippedonpaper]

Thank you!!

[legalpad819]

Wow.

You did such an amazing job here with choosing words that really hit the core. It's a powerful piece. I'm glad you and your kids are stronger today than in the past.

[drippedonpaper]

I hope my kids stay strong. Pick better...as they likely pair up in the years ahead.

[inkstainedfingertips]

Your imagery is so powerful and so evocative. You can really feel a sense of frustration and pain in your words.

<<

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<your [...] it's>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Your imagery is so powerful and so evocative. You can really feel a sense of frustration and pain in your words.

<<<Your energy so focused
At times
I am the moth to your flame
Attracted to my own destruction
Because it's bright, so bright
I'm mesmerized!>>>

This bit really hit home for me. It's so relatable in so many ways.

And that last bit, with your daughter being voted most outspoken delivers a nice, solid final punch that gives us hope she might not have to endure the things you have.

Beautiful work, Maria.

[drippedonpaper]

She truly was voted that. At work, by her fellow coworkers. In a way, it surprised me. But as I wrote this poem, I realized...perhaps, that "title" is a sign that maybe, maybe my kids are hopefully less likely to repeat my mistakes.

[roina_arwen]

This was very intriguing and a nice use of imagery.

[drippedonpaper]

It's easier, sometimes to conjure up images than to write the cold facts. Not sure why that's true. Thanks so much for commenting!

[roina_arwen]

Very true! I do my best to read all the entries every week, and comment as much as I can. I enjoy feedback, and I’m sure others do too!