Skipping with Glee, It's a Book for Me!

[drippedonpaper]

I admit, I don't understand why some people seem to needlessly try out new styles, hair cuts, hair colors, new nail polishes, or constantly get new tattoos. I'm not against change, but rarely feel very pressured to change my appearance. I'll change my habits and my preferences yes, but my appearance? I just don't feel that need. I'm not against modifying ones appearance, I just rarely feel much need to modify my outward body.

The main thing I might change, if I could, is my unconventional height (I'm 5 feet 11 inches, which is relatively tall for a female), but since that's off the table, why bother too much with the rest? Perhaps even my height and size tilted me away from a joy of shopping (so many things are too short or too small), so I turned to books instead.

In my internal quest to understand others' urges to change their behavior or their styles, (and yes, I am especially thinking of my 15 year old daughter, who repeatedly has "nothing to wear"), I realized that maybe I don't care much about outward modifications because I take that desire for change inward.

I read once that some children do not like to read because they can't imagine the story in their minds. I admit, that sounds like unspeakable tragedy to a reader like me! I am forever grateful for my ability to read. It was one of my main motivations in becoming a teacher: the desire to give others the doorway to both education and escape, the ability go anywhere in life without even leaving their seat. I do think I share the same desire for change that other people do, but instead of funneling it into perhaps trying new hair colors, I just step into a book, and have an adventure.

I love how at any time I can "become" which ever character I choose, based on a book. I can quietly sit here, staring at a page and those around me will have no idea that I am actually galloping through a field and tossing my mane like Black Beauty. When I read, I can learn about or "become" anyone. I can be a male or female character, or a horse, a fairy, or a wolf. I am only limited by which books I can find to read.

My reading preferences are very eclectic, depending on how I am feeling. I love fiction, non-fiction, memoir, poetry, mysteries, thrillers, biographies, science fiction, and fantasy. Any time I am bored with my conventional life, I can become someone else with the flick of a page. Today, I might have wings or tomorrow, I might become a knight of the Round Table. I can fight without ever learning how to wield a sword. I can swoop around as a ghost, flick my tail as a mermaid, or sail to the end of Narnia all in the same day!

All the experiences and imaginations of people are available for me to dwell in whenever I decide to read about it. And as long as I have this ability to become anyone I want to be, why would I squander my reading moments waiting to wash off some hair dye?

I think most of us have hobbies or activities that we do to feel free of others' expectations. For me, all I need is a good book and usually, I am happy as a clam. I try to vary my life. I do try to exercise almost every day, but maybe part of why I love yoga especially is because of the internal focus. As I breathe, I can focus on or imagine anything I want. My inner world is so interesting (to me anyways), that at times I am surprised if I see myself in the mirror. Do I really look like that? I almost lose track of myself, because today I feel surely I look like Sherlock Holmes, or a geisha, or a red-headed Irish lass about to immigrate.

In some ways, I have a somewhat traditional way of life, but I like to think my mind is unconventional. By that, I mean I am open to and can imagine many possibilities, many ways to live, and many sides to different issues or problems.

In this new wisdom, I am trying to use what I have learned about myself to sympathize more with my peers and my daughter. I guess I might be forever seeking that perfect style if I did not find this extreme joy, almost an ecstasy, through reading. I can't imagine life without this kind of joy. So if others feel this joy from clothes or tattoos or other means, I need to recognize their right to pursue their own particular brand of happiness.

Here is a photo of my book club, (I am the tallest in the back):



This is one (yes, I have more than one) of my book cases. And no, I don't keep all my books, but there are 5 of us in my family.


And here is me, about to read. At 44 years old, I now require reading glasses:



I'm certainly not willing to ever stop reading! I'll never willingly give up my glimpses of living other lives. And, remember, I'm always open to book recommendations. I'd love to learn about any books you think I might enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If interested, here are articles about what can affect reading:

https://www.sciencealert.com/some-people-can-t-picture-things-in-their-mind-and-it-might-make-it-hard-for-them-to-remember

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-illness-and-reading

https://www.bbc.com/news/health-34039054

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/jun/04/aphantasia-no-visual-imagination-impact-learning

Comments

[mollywheezy]

I completely agree!!! I am a happy camper if I have a book. In my whole life, I have never been bored because I can always read!

It's made the last several years very difficult. When I lost one of my closest friends to cancer, I lost the ability to focus long enough to read. I had been her caregiver and was the executor of her estate (Which was stressful and Epic Drama!) I was able to listen to audio books after about a year, and it's only this year, four years since her death, that I am back to reading like I used to. I am so thankful to have the joy of reading again!

[drippedonpaper]

I am so thankful you can read again. And I loved seeing you yesterday :)

[banana_galaxy]

I laughed when you mentioned changing hair colour in the beginning because of the fact I'd shared a collage of me with many of my different colours in my entry... and I wasn't even thinking about that being unconventional and connected to the prompt. Just another connection on top of the many others I suppose. I can share that, for me, something I realised about my need to change my colour as often and when I did was it was often the one thing I felt like I had some control over in my life, when everything else seemed to be impacted by another person. It was the one choice I could make about myself. Once I regained control over other things in my life, I didn't have as much desire to change it all the time. Which is why I've been naturally brown for years again.

I admire your ability to imagine yourself as these other characters when you read. I don't do that when I read. I read and imagine these things happening to other people who are not me. And my reading challenges have a lot to do how my being autistic impacts me - various distractions (other things happening in the room, my mind wandering) can cause me to have to read paragraphs multiple times before I've actually properly read it. I'm pretty sure that's one of the reasons reading comics and graphic novels is usually a lot easier for me (though obviously that's not all I read, since I also mentioned a book I recently read in my entry).

I do like some variety in what I read too though, and I kind of go in spurts with my reading. Like with all the non-fiction books about abuse I read during my divorce. And the dystopian novels I read after Trump became President. Speaking of, I don't know if you've ever read The Iron Heel by Jack London, but that was my favourite of that bunch, so happy to recommend that one!

Also impressed at the size of your book club!

[drippedonpaper]

I'm really hoping my kids' schedules will mesh ok with book club this fall. But I'm going to try.

I do understand that idea of "controlling what you can." I actually admire people who try all these lovely new hair color ideas, I just...I can't see myself trying it? My daughters wanted to try it once. S.'s was purple and faded over time to a lovely lavender tinge. L. had trouble and ended up looking like a smurft (getting the blue dye on her face, etc too.) But if they truly wanted to try it, life is for experimentation, isn't it?

I am totally a fan of comics and graphic novels. When I taught, I tried to have many. I love how they make so many books into graphic novels. I even have some Shakespeare plays as graphic novels. I believe reading is beneficial, and graphic novels are just as "good" as books :)

Do you remember the Idoler who did a comic every week? I know I looked forward to that so much. Comics can be an amazing art form.

I fully support people expressing themselves. I just...was trying to understand why I don't seem to? Outwardly? But, in this entry, I think I ...figured am unconventional in hidden ways? :)

Thanks for commenting!

[banana_galaxy]

Various groups at my work have been doing book clubs, but I've been too busy reading my own choices to participate in them. However, one of them just gave me a gift card to buy the book they're doing for September, so I should actually participate this time! Sounds like a good book. It's Disorientation by Elaine Hsieh Chou.

I think it can be fun to experiment, but it gets expensive to keep up the dyeing. That wasn't the primary reason I stopped, but it probably factored in there somewhere.

I have a couple of novels-turned-graphic novels, but I haven't read any of those yet. I really ought to get around to. I'm so bad, because I buy all these books but then only read things I borrow from the library. XD

I do remember her. That was Tea/zia (I don't remember her full LJ name, and that might've been the season she'd competed under another username). I knew her pre-Idol from a Harry Potter community, and actually met her IRL before competing in Idol. But I haven't kept in touch with her.

We all express ourselves in our own unique ways. That's what makes us, us!

[drippedonpaper]

"Disorientation" does look interesting :) If you read it, let me know what you thought of it :)

[erulissedances]

Books have been my dearest companion since I was a wee thing.

My college roommate shocked me because she had never read (nor expressed any desire to read) fiction! She was well read, but only non-fiction. She went into Occupational Therapy as a career and did extremely well with it, but no Narnia, no Tolkien, no fairy tales. I never considered her to be a well-rounded person because of that lack.

- Erulisse (one L)

[drippedonpaper]

I love Narnia so, so much. I read that series so many times as a child. I still dream I am Lucy on occasion. She was my favorite character. My dog now is named Daisy, but the one before her was Lucy after the one in Narnia.

Which Narnia book was your favorite? Mine was "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", though I also loved "A Horse and His Boy" a great deal. My sister named her cat Repicheep :) He was such a great character!

Is fantasy your favorite genre?

[erulissedances]

Honestly, I had to take a quick look at the listing of Narnia books to remember the full series. I don't really have a favorite in that group, however. In fantasy, I'm firmly in the Tolkien camp since 1967. I read the Trilogy annually for more than 20 years, I've read all of the other books and research books, I wrote within that fandom for years, and I'm quite comfortable in Tolkien.

I don't think I have a specific genre any more, although I've had various ones at various times in my life. Right now my top book is still the Trilogy (because you can't separate one from the others) and my second-to-the-top book is "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. I've read it over 50 times and there are just personalities and actions within it that ring so true and have stuck with me for decades.

I always have a book in my hands since I read on my phone. I have a TBR list that carries over from year to year and I just work my way down the list, adding new ebooks all the time in series that I liked or by authors that I enjoy.

- Erulisse (one L)

[drippedonpaper]

Do you like the Tolkien movies?

I think that is so great that you read them every year. Like visiting old friends! :)

[erulissedances]

I loved the movies. They weren't my inner eye, but they really did well in most respects.

- Erulisse (one L)

[dadi]

Reading is the best thing in the world <3

[drippedonpaper]

And I guess that's another reason why I love Idol. Not only the reading of all the contestants' entries, but the amazing ability to "talk" with authors! It's so much fun!!!

[adoptedwriter]

Yay for books! Yay for reading!

Also, hope your son is doing ok!

[drippedonpaper]

Thanks. We got in this really complicated mess about trying to get the adequate paperwork so he could be on (unpaid) medical leave. It's a mess. Finally, his boss agreed to let him start doing some short shifts. So far it's going ok (not every day.) So I'm very relieved. My son really loves his job. He gets his staples out August 5.

Thanks for asking!

[fruzicle]

Speaking merely to your height: I'm 5'10" so I share most of your tall-girl feelings. You can probably identify with this experience I had. I was shopping for pants (ha! a never-ending tall-girl problem!) Of course, I rummaged futilely among all the racks, not finding anything that fit. The sales clerk thought she was being helpful. "Have you tried any of these capris?" she asked. Fed up, I turned to her and said, "Don't ever offer a tall woman flood pants! It's all we ever find!" I don't think she got it. (I have solved this problem by buying a lot of men's pants. Not only are they long enough and lack the overly large space for voluminous hips, they have fantastic pockets!

[drippedonpaper]

Walmart briefly carried "long length" jeans and slacks in my size. I wish I had bought more because they discontinued them :( But, yes, everything "floods." That's a good idea. I do wear men's tennis shoes (my foot is 12 wide in women's), but maybe I should try men's pants. Thanks for sharing!!

[gunwithoutmusic]

I love this take on reading! I'm (somewhat ashamedly) actually not that big of a reader. I used to be, but it's become harder and harder lately to find time to just be with myself, and (as much as I love him) my husband can be a real attention-suck sometimes; he's not a huge fan of being left to his own devices if I'm anywhere in physical proximity to him.

But I do think that carving out that time, however forcefully it needs to be done, is important, so it's something I try to work on.

On a side note, I'm definitely one of those people who constantly changed up their look. I couldn't really point to why, other than trying to find something that really fits my personality. I eventually settled on generally wearing brightly-patterned short-sleeve button-ups and sensible shorts or slacks. I do love attention in certain cases, but I've come to a point in my life where I don't really rely on what others think of me. I wear busy patterns because I see them and think they're pretty and artful, and I'd like to wear that. It works. :)

I think most people that are constantly switching up their style are probably like me and just trying to figure out what fits them - it's sometimes hard to push past society's expectations (whether that means conforming to them or rebelling against them) and figure out exactly who you are in your own skin. I think for many of us, really figuring out who you are on the outside can facilitate the process of looking within. I know that for me, at least, once I had finally managed to settle myself on a general outward appearance that I felt fit, it was much easier to start looking inward.

Great entry; you gave me a lot to think about! :)

[drippedonpaper]

Thanks for this insight. My kids, especially my youngest, keep "changing" their looks (and the "sensible" me is like, gosh, why can't you wear those perfectly good clothes we bought last month?)

I had not thought of it as a step toward inward discovery. So there is a "good purpose" to all this change. I swear, it's hard to keep up sometimes! My youngest especially has had so many "fashion phases."

I'm glad you found a style that makes you happy. :)

And yes, it's always a divide between feeling one is "neglecting" family and reading. I admit, my (2nd) husband's love of reading created a bond. We actually met at a book swap :)

He loves to read and so do 2 of my 3 kids. But yes, I do understand. We all have to divide our time. I do actually love how Idol kind of gives us a "deadline" to read so at least I have an excuse to read all the entries every week :)

I really appreciate your insight! Thanks!

[roina_arwen]

I’m 5’ tall so I have the opposite clothing problem, lol! Most shirts that have “three-quarter length” sleeves are actually wrist length on me! I also enjoy reading a wide variety of genres (except thriller or political drama) but I’m not quite as adept at “becoming” the character. It’s interesting to learn how other’s brains work, though!

[drippedonpaper]

I love to try to understand others. We all have motivations or reasons for who we are/become, right?

I'm sorry you have the opposite problem. I guess you can ...get things hemmed? I can't add to pants. It would look weird, right? Add a lace ruffle? Maybe if I were more fashionable, I could find some really neat way to make clothes longer.

I bet you can wear pretty shoes. My feet are so big they are hard to find in my size :(

Sorry you too have to deal with "being the ...difficult size" (that's how I feel.) Why do so many things in the world only fit the middle sized people? Sigh. At least my books "always fit" :)

[roina_arwen]

With pants, I usually just roll the cuff up an inch or two. It’s definitely harder to make them longer!

[bleodswean]

This was rousing! And congrats for knowing yourself so well and for not judging others! I, too, am a lifelong avid voracious reader. Your book club looks fantastic! How was Malibu Rising? It's on my amazon wishlist.

[drippedonpaper]

I did like how "Malibu Rising" did tie together elements (I hate reading a book, and details that seem significant become "dead ends" that are never explained.)

However, it wasn't a "wow, best book ever!" Others at the meeting expressed that the author's earlier book was much better. :)

[marlawentmad]

I guess I am an amalgamation of both types. I love to constantly change my hair, jewelry, and makeup. I've also spent most of my life deeply committed to and lost in books. And now, I've found I can do this through audible mediums as well. I'm always evolving internally it seems based on what I am consuming. Maybe my urge to change the outside is a way to visually represent that internal journey.

[drippedonpaper]

Upon further thought, maybe I'm scared to outwardly change (and face rejection.)

Your writing is very bold. I greatly admire that. So you are probably (seems to me) a very brave person, both inside and out :)

I'm sorry, this entry probably sounded judgmental. I did not mean to have it come across that way. I greatly appreciate your feedback :)

[ofearthandstars]

I love reading, but I do confess to having tried various changes in fashion and hair and jewelry, etc., in some attempt to find what feels like "me". ("Me" turns out to be very many things in various different hats, and not one settled piece.) But I really enjoyed this way and the way you view "trying on a new skin", so to speak!!

[drippedonpaper]

I admire your bravery in trying new styles :) Seriously. The main thing I know from my daughters is that I "dress old" and "that looks ok on an old lady in her 40s." Sigh lol.

You are lovely, inside and out.

In a way, perhaps I neglect the outside me? Because the inside me feels easier, and since no one sees it, "inside me" can't be rejected? I probably do neglect "outside me" out of fear. Fear is a weird motivator.

You are lovely. I did not mean to sound judgmental :(

[ofearthandstars]

Oh, I haven't bought new clothes (beyond t-shirts) in three years. I'm terribly unfashionable now, but do not care much as I rarely leave home. I have wondered if there's a reason I'm neglecting that side of me. On one hand, I don't want to feel pressured to look a certain way (though aging is really feeling rough right now). On the other, I think - what if I played with how I look to mirror the way I feel inside? If maybe painting the exterior, so to speak, would help the inside me feel better? I don't know the answers. Maybe I just want an excuse to buy a new outfit. :P

And you are very lovely yourself! And you didn't sound judgmental at all.