Prompt- Big Hat, No Cattle
May. 29th, 2022 04:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drippedonpaper"When you're all hat and no cattle, at some point folks are going to criticize your hat." -Author Unknown
I really like the above quote. Basically, one should live a life of integrity. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. The longer I live, sometimes I feel I have learned more questions than answers.
The more I get to know people, the more complex they seem. I admit, even I am a mystery to myself at times. Often, I can only understand my reaction to something upon deeper reflection. And recently, I admit, I've been trying and failing to understand my siblings.
I do not want to convey something I am not when I talk about my extended family. I do come from a big family. We are happy at times. But it is not the "big happy family" that might seem idealized in the movies.
We just threw a big 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents. So yes, what a long marriage! However, sometimes I still am unsure if they are happy, so no, I don't necessarily "want a marriage just like theirs." I do want a long marriage, but I hope both of us are happy. I want to be a source of joy to my husband.
I have six siblings. I am the 2nd of 7 kids. This makes it sound, perhaps, like I have many close adult siblings who are also my friends. I would like to be friends with them, but I find it challenging. Differing schedules lead to possible misunderstandings of "why did you go to that nephew's event and not my son's event?" With twenty nieces and nephews and another on the way (on my side of the family), there are so many birthdays, dance recitals, piano concerts, etc.
Another complication in having six close relationships with my siblings is that five of the six feel very strongly on political issues, but opposite to the way I vote and believe. The 6th sibling is a brother who I was feeling close to, but things are strained due to miscommunication during his divorce.
So yes, the "big happy family" of my dreams is mostly simply a big family.
How much of the misunderstandings are stress? How much is assumptions about each other?
And how does one mend what isn't?
I love my family. I've thought a great deal about it, and family can be the hardest relationships because they are lifelong. If someone hates a spouse, they might divorce. If someone hates coworkers, they might find a different job. If someone can't get along with a friend, the world is full of humans to befriend. But I have only three children. And my six siblings are the only ones I will ever have.
Here is a photo of my parents, my siblings and their spouses and all but 5 of the 23 grandchildren of my parents. Included is one of my aunts and her daughter. If you click on it, it gets bigger.
A big dream of mine is that my three kids will enjoy each other's friendship through out their lives. But, I have no idea how to build that when I can't seem to stay close to my own siblings.
And maybe that's the answer. With no answers at all, all I can do is promote closeness between them. Not promote competition or comparison between my own kids or even come between them while trying to help them be close. Maybe if I let them build their relationships with each other, maybe they will find out how to be close on their own. Or even find out if they want to be close. It's really their choice.
But when it comes to my siblings, as I like to dream at times, maybe time is waiting for us. Maybe one day, when our kids are grown, my sisters and I can do a ladies' lunch on occasion. Maybe one day, the idea of a big happy family can come true.
But the best relationships are not forced. So I walk the line between reaching out, but hopefully no being annoying.
And maybe my "sisters of the heart" will be my friends, rather than my family. Maybe we put too much pressure and expectation on people who, honestly, just happened to be born to the same parents as my own.
In love, it never helps to force a relationship that isn't working.
Maybe the real key is to throw my hat in the air, and keep walking. There are other fields. I can learn to tend cows instead of goats. Maybe I'm more a beret girl than a cowgirl after all.
I really like the above quote. Basically, one should live a life of integrity. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. The longer I live, sometimes I feel I have learned more questions than answers.
The more I get to know people, the more complex they seem. I admit, even I am a mystery to myself at times. Often, I can only understand my reaction to something upon deeper reflection. And recently, I admit, I've been trying and failing to understand my siblings.
I do not want to convey something I am not when I talk about my extended family. I do come from a big family. We are happy at times. But it is not the "big happy family" that might seem idealized in the movies.
We just threw a big 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents. So yes, what a long marriage! However, sometimes I still am unsure if they are happy, so no, I don't necessarily "want a marriage just like theirs." I do want a long marriage, but I hope both of us are happy. I want to be a source of joy to my husband.
I have six siblings. I am the 2nd of 7 kids. This makes it sound, perhaps, like I have many close adult siblings who are also my friends. I would like to be friends with them, but I find it challenging. Differing schedules lead to possible misunderstandings of "why did you go to that nephew's event and not my son's event?" With twenty nieces and nephews and another on the way (on my side of the family), there are so many birthdays, dance recitals, piano concerts, etc.
Another complication in having six close relationships with my siblings is that five of the six feel very strongly on political issues, but opposite to the way I vote and believe. The 6th sibling is a brother who I was feeling close to, but things are strained due to miscommunication during his divorce.
So yes, the "big happy family" of my dreams is mostly simply a big family.
How much of the misunderstandings are stress? How much is assumptions about each other?
And how does one mend what isn't?
I love my family. I've thought a great deal about it, and family can be the hardest relationships because they are lifelong. If someone hates a spouse, they might divorce. If someone hates coworkers, they might find a different job. If someone can't get along with a friend, the world is full of humans to befriend. But I have only three children. And my six siblings are the only ones I will ever have.
Here is a photo of my parents, my siblings and their spouses and all but 5 of the 23 grandchildren of my parents. Included is one of my aunts and her daughter. If you click on it, it gets bigger.
A big dream of mine is that my three kids will enjoy each other's friendship through out their lives. But, I have no idea how to build that when I can't seem to stay close to my own siblings.
And maybe that's the answer. With no answers at all, all I can do is promote closeness between them. Not promote competition or comparison between my own kids or even come between them while trying to help them be close. Maybe if I let them build their relationships with each other, maybe they will find out how to be close on their own. Or even find out if they want to be close. It's really their choice.
But when it comes to my siblings, as I like to dream at times, maybe time is waiting for us. Maybe one day, when our kids are grown, my sisters and I can do a ladies' lunch on occasion. Maybe one day, the idea of a big happy family can come true.
But the best relationships are not forced. So I walk the line between reaching out, but hopefully no being annoying.
And maybe my "sisters of the heart" will be my friends, rather than my family. Maybe we put too much pressure and expectation on people who, honestly, just happened to be born to the same parents as my own.
In love, it never helps to force a relationship that isn't working.
Maybe the real key is to throw my hat in the air, and keep walking. There are other fields. I can learn to tend cows instead of goats. Maybe I'm more a beret girl than a cowgirl after all.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:07 pm (UTC)